I understand one thing, I try too hard

February 2013, 5 years already? maybe. This problem haunt me, unexpectedly.

Everyone thinks I'm a strong girl, but there is no such things as a strong person. Every person laugh, every person cry, every person has their own problem. The differences is just how they express it. I don't like showing my emotion to anyone, I don't like people see my weaknesses, I don't like people see me crying, and the problem is I never think I have a problem. People make me angry, and in seconds I forgive them, but in the other hand I can't forget the pain they caused to me.

Up until now, I still can't forget how they betrayed me, how they lied to me, how they blame everything to me. The pain haunts me, yet I didn't realized it till now. I always think everything is fine, I can do this, and I can go through all of this. But, no.

Unexpectedly, I let my tears fall down a lot without realizing what is really happened to me. Recently, I can't eat anymore, I feel so stressed and feels like having a heavy, heavy burden. I don't understand what happened exactly.

But now I understand.
I try too hard.
I try too much.
I can't slow down.

But I know, I don't have much options. If I didn't get myself busy, those pains will haunt me again, and again. I can't slow down, or else I will found myself depressed. I don't know what should I do, I don't know what exactly I want.

I know, I can go through this. I shouldn't let myself stop, I shouldn't let myself down. Maybe I still can't found the answer but I will continue to walk.

Keep smile ! Keep positive ! Life is a process !